I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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