She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
