You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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