I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
