who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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