Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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