How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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