mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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