she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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