i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
