GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
