Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
