it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
whose parrot is this?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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