Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
