he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
