Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
