3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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