I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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