Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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