Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
