Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
