Screwed.edu
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
