every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
