i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
