I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
