Your dad touched me again.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
