come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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