glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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