you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize