your thong is hanging out like whoa
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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