This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, beer. Big fan.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
