Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
