He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
