Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
