i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
