i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
