I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
