Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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