Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
