Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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