So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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