im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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