Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
