I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
