Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
