I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
