I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
