Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
people are starting to question the shark bite story
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
