Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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