My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
