I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
