god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize