I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
