didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
