there was a trapeze. enough said
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
