i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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