i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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