how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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