all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
