It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
