Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
