She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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