If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
