Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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