I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
