I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
