Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
