Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
